Alright, I’m gonna go ahead and give you guys a review of the show “The Bachelor”. I only watched one episode, (actually I made the mistake of being in the same room when a family member was watching it, but that’s besides the point) so it’s a small sample size. But I think I got a pretty strong grasp of the show.

So, the premise of this show is that 25 or so girls who have had horrible, horrible, dating track records all think that it’s a good idea to go live in a house TOGETHER, and go after the same guy. Yeah, they all have had unsuccessful relationships in the past, so they decide that their next move is to get into one with one single guy and TWENTY-FIVE OTHER WOMEN. Oh, and they have never met the guy or any of the other girls.

It quickly becomes evident that every last woman on the show is completely insane. Enjoy sanity? Don’t watch this show. Seriously. Every single one of the girls falls in love with the bachelor dude the second they meet him. Head over heels. Like they cry when they see him talking to one of the OTHER TWENTY-FIVE GIRLS DATING HIM. You know, the girls that they agreed to live in the same house with and compete with over the same guy. They all have some annoying sob story about how their last relationship was a failure because their boyfriend didn’t like their spaghetti or played too much online solitaire. They actually want you to feel bad for them too. It’s bat shit crazy. If you’re like me, you’re probably thinking there is only one person on this show who is actually not insane. And you’re right.

The bachelor dude, who is a combination of a 14 year-old going through a growth spurt and a 60 year-old man, (Seriously, this guy is like barely 30 and has a full head of gray hair) is obviously just there to make out with and possibly bang 25 girls at the same time. Like come on. We all know your plan here, guy. You aren’t looking for your soul mate to spend the rest of your life with. You’re looking for love on that show like I’m looking for a polar bear in the Sahara desert. His thinly-veiled plan is pretty easy to see through once he begins taking the girls aside one by one and making out with every last one of them. He gets bored of the ones who talk too much and don’t immediately start sucking his face, so he sends them home and claims that “they just weren’t connecting.” I mean, the dude isn’t lying, he’s just being extremely literal. The most dedicated women will interrupt the make out sessions of the other girls and ask for a make out session of their own, to prove that they’re… who am I kidding I have no clue why they do it.

He then holds a cute little “rose ceremony” where he gives a rose to the girl who made out with him the most. Oh, it’s as corny as it sounds. Even the awkward host guy who has to conduct the ceremony looks like he wants to eat a bullet if it means getting out of there.

So, the girl that gets sent home, sobs and cries and claims her heart has been broken. (Yeah, she’s known the guy for like seven hours.) And then, my favorite part of the whole show:ย She questions why she can’t seem to find anybody.

Lady, you thought it was a good idea to go on a TV show to find love. You thought it was a good idea to go after a guy who wants to make out with 25 different girls for a couple months to decide which one he likes the best. You also fell in love with this guy the second you met him. You were a jealous mess when he interacted with the 25 other girls you agreed to share him with. Let’s also just mention that the odds were not in your favor. It was an awful ratio. One guy and 25 plus girls? You’d have better luck finding a boyfriend in a nail salon. I mean seriously, Godspeed, woman.

Final Consensus:ย As a reality show, I give it a solid 0.6/10 and that 0.6 is solely for the Bachelor guy’s hair.

As a Netflix observational documentary on the behavior and tendencies of psychopaths, I give it a 10/10.

 

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45 thoughts on “Review of The Bachelor

  1. I donโ€™t have tv so Iโ€™ve never heard of this show but good god THIS is a main reason why I donโ€™t have a tv! People actually do this? They actually watch it? Thank you for torturing yourself for whatever amount of time it was on to spare the rest of us! You deserve a rose ceremony yourself! ๐ŸŒน

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    1. Thatโ€™s awesome that you donโ€™t even have TV! I wish I could live without it lol… and yes people watch it but I think (or hope) that most people watch it to laugh at it. Thanks so much for reading and the giving me rose ceremony blessings!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thatโ€™s really cool and interesting to hear…. You really arenโ€™t missing out on much, us people who are entranced by TV and social media are the ones missing out… on the real world around us! ๐Ÿค”

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  2. We watch it, certainly for the second reason you give in your Final Consensus. Like all reality shows to be sure, it’s an interesting petri dish, an examination into the psyche of these “contestants” who, for the most part, just want to advance their careers and parlay the show into something more substantial afterwards.

    As an aside, the current bachelor is 36. No question in my mind he was going to give the rose to the 22-year-old. For many of the reasons you mention, i.e. make out with a cute college-aged girl for several more weeks.

    The last rose is *always* given to the most controversial contestant there for dramatic effect (and the rose order is obviously determined by the producers). So that should raise a flag to any bachelor(ette) handing out roses. The last one is likely the headcase.

    > “Even the awkward host guy who has to conduct the ceremony looks like he wants to eat a bullet if it means getting out of there.”

    On the contrary, Chris Harrison has the dream job. You get all-expense paid travel to various places around the world (and they do go to some great places), presumably with a fine salary, and the only “work” you have to do is show up for ~5 minutes per episode to hand out a date card or inform the bachelor(ette) that “it’s the last rose of the evening, whenever you’re ready.” ๐Ÿ™‚

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    1. Interesting take! I think the host guy definitely has an awesome set up… but I think he for sure knows the show is cheesy as balls ๐Ÿ˜‚ oh well itโ€™s only a small price to pay for him haha! Thanks for reading!!

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  3. Bang on! These “reality” shows are all pathetic…I can’t believe people waste their time watching them. The word “reality” is a curious thing…the only time I can think that one man living with (and banging) 25 women at once would be in an old polygamist Mormon family environment, but without the hundreds of kids…

    Liked by 1 person

      1. So true. It is kind of hard to see how we arrived at such a shallow culture where fame (and by association money) are seen as the answer to all of life’s ills…but we are where we are. I slightly pity the fools (to quote Mr T) who choose to go on these things.

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  4. I’ve watched a lot of crappy reality TV, but I’ve never been able to bring myself to watch The Bachelor. It just seems like one big grossfest. I feel like it should be sponsored by some kind of antibacterial gel, or maybe a Hazmat suit making company. Ick.

    Love the review ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The Bachelor is definitely one of those shows that I secretly watch LOL, most people think it’s shit and it sometimes is, but for what it’s worth EVERYONE hated Arie’s season. He’s a feminine girly guy with the personality of a stale piece of bread. Literally no one liked this season, and the ending was even worse (he got engaged to a girl for a couple days then literally broke it off to run back to the other girl). Now if you saw some of Nick’s season (the last one) maybe you’d have a better impression, but in the end it’s just trashy reality TV with a bunch of “aspiring actresses” from LA

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