I don’t know anything about flowers. I know what a rose looks like and what a sunflower looks like. Other than that, everything is just called a tulip in my world. One thing I think I do know though, is that flowers are supposed to smell good. They aren’t supposed to smell bad. People enjoy sniffing flowers and complimenting them, that’s just what you do with flowers, right?
The other day, my mom got a bundle, or bouquet, if that’s what it’s called, of flowers. She casually mentioned that she decided to get some “Baby’s Breath” in the bouquet. After expressing my confusion, she explained to me that Baby’s Breath is a type of flower usually used to compliment a bouquet.
This was just really, really stupid to me. Why would you name something that is supposed to smell good after something that smells bad? Baby’s Breath? That shit is nasty. Have you seen a baby? Have you seen what they eat? What they do? They have exactly zero personal hygiene. They don’t shower, they don’t put deodorant on, and they sure as shit don’t brush their teeth or use breath mints. They’re constantly drooling and spitting up on themselves and putting other people’s fingers in their mouths. If I had to make a bet on whether or not a baby’s breath was gonna smell good or not, I would put a lot of money on it not smelling good. A lot of money.
That’s like making a food dish and calling it “sticky nut cheese”. Mmm, yeah, sounds real appetizing. Or building an airplane and calling it “The Lead Penguin”.
Baby’s Breath. Here babe, I got you some Baby’s Breath. You know like the little creatures that chew on their own boogers? Yeah, I figured you’d want a flower that smelled like their breath. Oh, you want me to leave? And take the flowers with me? Put them where? Oh. Oh, geez.ย
It’s funny because the people who named these flowers were definitely trying to be cute. Oh, we’ll just name these flowers after something innocent and pure like a precious little baby. People will love that! Well, those people aren’t me. I see through the weak attempt at applying an angelic air to these unfortunate plants.
Apparently, people buy these flowers though. The market for ironically named flowers could be pretty lucrative, you never know. Maybe I’ll look into becoming a florist and creating my own line of flower.
I think I’ll call it “Grandpa’s Queef”.
Oh my gosh stop it! I am cracking up! That was the best. Thank you
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๐๐ glad you liked it!!
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You’re so funny, I’ve had this exact stream of thought before!! ๐
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Aw Thanks so much! Lol Iโm glad someone else agrees with my thoughts! ๐
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hahahaha
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๐
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Grandpaโs Queef. ๐๐๐
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Youโve got the best kind of humor ๐ definitely always enjoy reading your stuff haha. Thanks for making me laugh!
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Hahahaha! OMG! Totally!
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As I recall, babies’ breath usually isn’t so bad, so long as they haven’t just eaten, spit up or barfed. Then, of course, it’s just kind of sour. Admittedly, however, parenthood comes with a number of glaring mental blind spots, presumably so we actually keep the little buggers around for longer than, say, a bouquet of flowers.
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Hmm interesting! Iโve never really got up in a babyโs face and smelled their breath
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Unless you have one, I wouldn’t recommend it. Lol
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Lol noted!
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They’re actually just fillers, coz all the other amazing smelling flowers are too expensive to make up whole bowkets
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Well that makes sense I guess lol. Still doesnโt explain the name!
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And I thought you’d died or something
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lol nope! Just been busy, Iโll try to post something again somewhat soon! Thanks for reading, loyal fan! ๐
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If you want something done ask a busy person ……. well I require some more humour. Thanx
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Lol I will get on it!!
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Ha ha ha! So true!
It must have been named by someone who had babies and actually liked that smell ๐คข
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That must have been what it was! Just like how some people like the smell of puppies breath lol!
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Unbelievably awesome… You’re a witty shitty writer…
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Thank you! And thank you again… I think…. lol ๐
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Clever and funny.
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Thank you!
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I really enjoy your site. I nominated you for the Blogger Recognition Award. If you would like to participate you can check out the link on my site. No worries if you do not. https://noelliesplace.com/2018/01/08/blogger-recognition-award/
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*crying*
To be fair, a newborn’s breath can be quite pleasant. It’s often overlooked because of what’s coming out of their bottoms and you have to get in there pre-milkbarf but it is there. I speak from my experience of being the mother of three. As always, you made me laugh out loud before 9am. ๐
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Very interesting! I think I just might have to see for myself lol! Happy to make you laugh! ๐
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Hahaha! My little boy is 18 months old and his breath smells really sweet… and we do brush his teeth. Have done since he was 6 months old and got his first one. He doesn’t like it though.
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You sound like great parents who will raise a very clean child! ๐ Thanks for reading!
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I got to say, having had 3 babies myself I can confirm their breath is quite pleasant… Once they start on solids though, not so much!! Give it a whiff some time ๐๐
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Most people are saying that! Iโll have to see for myself! Thanks for reading!!๐
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Sir how do you do it? How do you get followers and get people to know about how good your content is?? I’m new to blogging kindly guide.
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I would suggest to read a lot of other peopleโs work and give feedback and make comments! Get to know as many other bloggers as you can and just interact as much as possible. Iโve connected with a lot of cool people and have a lot of fun on here! Hope that advice helps!
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That is really very helpful. Thank you.
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Glad it helped! ๐๐ผ
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ROFL I actually like baby’s breath. They don’t smell much, but it is a pleasant smell. For what it’s worth, I like it more than actual baby’s breath.
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Seems completely reasonable to me. Iโm curious about how actual babyโs breath smells but I feel like that is an extremely strange thing to ask a parent lol!
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Yeah, I don’t wanna know that bad. Unless they’re breast fed. Mmm, breasts.
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๐๐๐
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Till what I read I guess you write random thoughts in a ‘just apt’ manner. Felt nice reading ur blog..
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Basically! Iโm glad you liked it, thank you for reading!
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Cute story.
One day you will find out how a baby’s breath smells… I take this over an adult any day!
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Thank you! And yes I suppose I will, but hopefully not anytime soon ๐
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I say… take your time! :). They are wonderful but totally time consuming.
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Oh wow! ๐๐๐
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๐๐
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hahahaha I enjoyed your post! you’ve gained a follower from this one!
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Great to hear thanks so much for reading!! ๐๐ผ
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Haha I love it
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Awesome to hear!!
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I love collecting names of flowers. Dutchmanโs Breeches and Grannyโs Bonnet are two of my favourites. Oh, and Love Lies Bleeding. A bit less twee than the others!
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Thatโs awesome!
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LOL, loved this post
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Thank you so much!
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