That’s So Unrealistic

There are plenty of annoying things you can do while watching a movie. Talk through it, ask constant questions about the plot, eat loudly, etc. But to me, there is nothing worse than whining and complaining about how unrealistic the movie is.

Now, if the movie’s entire plot revolves around realism, you have every right to complain about the factual inaccuracies or blunders. There are plenty of movies that are downright stupid and deserve to be criticized. But, if the movie is about dragons, or a kid’s toy possessed by an evil serial killer, (shout out to Child’s Play) why in the hell are you complaining that the main character shouldn’t have been able to jump that far, or that the cop should’ve ran out of ammo? Last time I checked, dragons don’t exist, and neither do evil possessed kid’s toys. You’re willing to go along with people living in a magical land of dwarves and elves, but you can’t tolerate the characters going long amounts of time without eating?

“They wouldn’t be able to break that lock, that would never happen.”

Oh yeah? The breaking of the lock is fake, but the huge bloodsucking vampire chasing them isn’t? The lock breaking couldn’t happen, but a man turning into a pale, immortal creature of the night could?

People actually find it logical to pop in a movie about talking animals, and then complain about aspects of the plot being fake. Hey there, do you not realize the entire premise of this movie is based on something that is impossible? And you’re complaining about someone holding their breath for too long?

“There’s no way that car would explode like that.”

Hey bud, it’s a movie about talking gorillas. Let’s put things in perspective here.

Anyways, that’s probably enough ranting for today. If you’re one of these people I’m talking about, I guess my parting message to you would be: Give documentaries a try. Or dog crap. It’s really up to you.

 

Dental Conversations

On Friday, I have to go to the dentist. Friday is going to suck, because the dentist sucks. The thing is, I actually don’t mind getting my teeth cleaned. What I do mind, is that while my mouth is wide open and being cranked on by the hygienist, I have to engage in small talk. For whatever reason, every hygienist I’ve ever had, has thought it was a good idea to ask about my life story while they have their fingers shoved into my mouth.

Every time I go, it’s the same situation. My mouth is gaped open and filling up with saliva. My eyes are nearly watering from jaw soreness. My teeth are being scraped on and my mind is elsewhere, trying to focus on anything but the excavation site that is my mouth. If there was ever a time when talking was not really an option, it’s now.

Yet, as always,

“So, what school do you go to?”

The hygienist says this without ceasing her assault on my mouth.

Me: Aaaaagghghhg.

Her: Oh okay, my niece goes there! What classes are you taking?

Me: Aghghh, ghhh, hhnnnggg, uhhh, euuhhahhh, ahhh hnnggahh.

Her: What was that?

Me: Aghghh, ghhh, hhnnnggg, uhhh, euuhhahhh, ahhh hnnggahh.

Her as she finally takes her hands out of my mouth: You know, that’s really great. You’re going to learn so much! What are you planning on doing after college?

Me: Well, I have—

She then shoves her hands back into my mouth, listening intently.

Me again: Ahhhggg ghhhdggh hnnnggg.

Her: That’s awesome! Sounds like you are following your dreams! What sports are you interested in?

This silly exchange continues throughout the appointment until she is done with my teeth and I am finally put out of my misery. As she cleans up and we schedule my next appointment, I always want to ask her: So, how does your niece like Aaaaagghghhg University? Or: Do you know any hnnggahh tutors?

But, I hold my tongue. One of these days, I will get the courage to mess with her. Maybe I will do it once I graduate and become a practicing Ghhhdggh hnnnggg.