Old people are my favorite. In general, I have nothing but respect for them and the fact that they grew up in a world so different and in many ways so much more difficult than the one we live in today. We can all learn a lot from the elderly. Plus, they fart in public with zero shame which is fantastic.
But, old people are not safe or immune from my literary and (hopefully) humorous observational attacks. So, here is my one burning question for society regarding the elderly.
Why, oh, why do we let them drive???
There is an awesome episode of South Park that deals with this subject but I’ve been nearly run off the road and killed by an old person way too many times to not bring this up. Have you ever got stuck behind a car going 35 mph on the freeway? Old person. Have you ever been cut off so ignorantly that you had to swerve into the next lane while watching your life’s montage as it flashed before you? Old person. Have you ever furiously sat still behind a car at a right turn that has a half-mile long merge lane? Old person. Have you ever been sitting at a red light and watched a car casually drive right past you across the busy intersection? Old person. Oh, and they 100 percent of the time never notice or acknowledge any of their wrong doings on the road. A dinosaur could be chasing an old person’s car and they’d just be putt-putting along at 28 mph without a care in the world.
I believe that different states have different laws regarding old people driving and renewing their licenses. I think some give certain tests or check their eyes or whatever. Well, I want to know what exactly the tests that the elderly are given entail. Do they simply check their pulses? Ask them if they are aware that the sky is blue? Do they just make sure that Grandpa McDustyBalls’ eyes are open? I mean jeez, dude. We’re at the point where you see a car driving on the opposite side of the road and you just think oh there goes Old Lady Wrinkle Tits heading to the grocery store.
There’s no way these tests to renew your license are up to par. There’s just no way. I may be sounding kind of brutal so I’ll extend an olive branch here and admit that I think basically everyone is a shitty driver. But, old people have a separate section for themselves on my highway shit list. I mean dude, I don’t want to get taken out by some old grandpa who sends me off a cliff and is so oblivious he never even notices my truck flying through the air and exploding into flames over the sound of his own fart. That can’t be my legacy. Alright, I’m being over dramatic but you get it.
To all the elderly people out there, no hard feelings. Please don’t kill me vehicularly.
I’d better not let my over 70 year old Pops read this… but he is a brilliant driver still!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Haha! There are definitely a lot of great old drivers out there still! Tell your dad I commend him 🙏🏼😄
LikeLiked by 2 people
To be honest, he wouldn’t listen even if we told him he should stop! But thankfully he’s okay… so far!!!!
He’s ferried us around the UK over the years and know the roads like the back of his hands…
But he’s careful. Even he knows that with age, certain things start to deteriorate. Initially, he’d think nothing of driving a 6-7 hour round trip to pick me up in the morning and take me back home for a visit, but now he knows he can’t do that, and speeding.. a no no, he’s got his own cruise control internally set… but not that annoying snail in the middle lane kinda driver who refuses to move lol!
I shall pass on your message! 😀
LikeLiked by 2 people
He seems very reasonable and level-headed! 👍🏼 thanks again for reading! 😄
LikeLiked by 2 people
🤣🤣 Hahaha! This made me LOL!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks lol!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
ohmygod. One time I was driving through Oregon and stopped to gas up on the outskirts of Portland. Went to get back on the F R E E W A Y (you know, the road everyone drives 80-in-a-60?) and at the top of the on ramp was a blue-hair sitting still with her blinker on as if to signal her intent to the traffic. Um. Gramma…. that’s not how on ramp freeway merges work! Almost got ran over/crushed by a semi-truck, not even joking. god. Couldn’t get through that city fast enough. 🙄
LikeLiked by 2 people
😂😂 oh man. I’m glad you feel my pain haha! Thanks for reading!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Let me tell you……that you write wonderfully.
I was smiling the whole time while reading it.
And yes,……it is still great when you get dramatic.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Wow thanks so much! I’m glad it brought some smiles, thanks for reading I really appreciate it! 🙏🏼
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are welcome.
I love the humour you add to it.
Have you tried writing something emotional ?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really appreciate that. And I can’t say I’ve really written anything emotional. I have written suspense, action, and horror. I like horror/suspense almost as much as I like comedy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Same here!!
I love suspense and horror. But i usually tend to write emotional poems, well…..i am more of a nature poet. I cant write comedy, but i think i have some sense of humour !
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s awesome, yeah I love being creeped out lol. If you have a sense of humor I’m sure you can write comedy. Your poems are really good!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!!🌸
I don’t feel scared while reading horror, but later at night the real creeps crawl up😂 and i recall all the horror i read till then.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Of course! Lol exactly, that’s how it usually works 😱
LikeLike
Haha……yes!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your writing is so relatable on so many levels… My grandmother is one of those who shouldn’t be on the road. It’s hard to stop her from driving because she passed those state checks; all they do is check the eyes but at a certain age, they require a written test at the very least… that age hasn’t yet arrived for my dear dear gran. For now, if we leave together from the same place in separate cars for any reason, I make damn sure I go first. We live in the country so there aren’t many cars on the road unless you head into town, but even as a follower my gran takes driving to the next subpar level. I love her dearly, so what gets me through the treacherous wilds of suburban driving amidst the elderly is imagining my sweet sweet gran just trying to make it home with her newly acquired yarns and thrift store trinkets.
Happy driving, and thanks for the chuckles!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much! That’s funny/honorable that you can admit your own Grandma is a bad driver haha! And hilarious you have to imagine her with her yarns 😂😂 thank you for reading!!!
LikeLike
Oh karma is going to get you big on this one! (She types while laughing) I used to think the same thing, but as old age gets nearer, I am revisiting those thoughts. Imagine being old and unable to get places – nightmare! I’m less intolerant of old folks now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😂😂 hopefully it doesn’t!! I totally get where your coming from, I’m sure you’re a great driver yourself 👍🏼😄 thanks for reading!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think on this evidence that New Zealanders must all be old…the drivers over here really take the biscuit at times…😄
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha I’ll have to be careful then if I ever go to New Zealand!! Thanks for reading!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think that anyone who is over 65 should be forced to move to Florida.
LikeLiked by 2 people
😂😂😂 hilarious comment
LikeLiked by 1 person
hahahaha!!! I love this. I needed to laugh with a good humor like this. hahahaha!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Haha! Glad you enjoyed it friend, by the way I will be heading over to your page soon to catch up on your stuff!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You welcome my friend.
Awesome! Get your dictionary ready though. hahahaha!!!!
LikeLike
Ahah Like someone once wrote: ” dear reader, there are only two good drivers out there… you and I”
LikeLiked by 2 people
So true haha! Thanks for reading!
LikeLike
Haha. This is hilarious! I know a friend whose grandpa is colourblind. It doesn’t stop him from driving and he hasn’t crashed yet!
LikeLiked by 2 people
LOL, how does he deal with stoplights?! Thanks so much for reading, I also like your profile picture by the way, huskies for the win!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha. No worries. Huskies are the best!!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes they are!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good laugh for so early in the morning! So true in most cases. But, there are still some of us “older” drivers that are good drivers. Keep the good chuckles coming!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Lol good to hear! Yes there are still a lot of good elderly drivers out there! I just wish I ran into them more! No pun intended…
LikeLike
Looks like half (or full?) the world agrees with your observations! Anyway, in the same vein as the article, how about a SCL (Senior Citizens Lane) alongside the HOV lane?!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha I wish half the world did! A SCL is one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard… that needs to be a thing. Thanks for reading!!
LikeLike
Hey I’m old but I’m a great driver… I think it’s everybody else that are useless drivers! I go fast when needs be and slow if for example I’m driving along country lanes: simply to try and avoid killing birds that fly out in front of me… I hate killing birds. Seems nobody apart from me gives a shit!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hahaha well thank god for you for being an old but great driver!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😂
LikeLiked by 1 person