Alright, I’m gonna go ahead and give you guys a review of the show “The Bachelor”. I only watched one episode, (actually I made the mistake of being in the same room when a family member was watching it, but that’s besides the point) so it’s a small sample size. But I think I got a pretty strong grasp of the show.
So, the premise of this show is that 25 or so girls who have had horrible, horrible, dating track records all think that it’s a good idea to go live in a house TOGETHER, and go after the same guy. Yeah, they all have had unsuccessful relationships in the past, so they decide that their next move is to get into one with one single guy and TWENTY-FIVE OTHER WOMEN. Oh, and they have never met the guy or any of the other girls.
It quickly becomes evident that every last woman on the show is completely insane. Enjoy sanity? Don’t watch this show. Seriously. Every single one of the girls falls in love with the bachelor dude the second they meet him. Head over heels. Like they cry when they see him talking to one of the OTHER TWENTY-FIVE GIRLS DATING HIM. You know, the girls that they agreed to live in the same house with and compete with over the same guy. They all have some annoying sob story about how their last relationship was a failure because their boyfriend didn’t like their spaghetti or played too much online solitaire. They actually want you to feel bad for them too. It’s bat shit crazy. If you’re like me, you’re probably thinking there is only one person on this show who is actually not insane. And you’re right.
The bachelor dude, who is a combination of a 14 year-old going through a growth spurt and a 60 year-old man, (Seriously, this guy is like barely 30 and has a full head of gray hair) is obviously just there to make out with and possibly bang 25 girls at the same time. Like come on. We all know your plan here, guy. You aren’t looking for your soul mate to spend the rest of your life with. You’re looking for love on that show like I’m looking for a polar bear in the Sahara desert. His thinly-veiled plan is pretty easy to see through once he begins taking the girls aside one by one and making out with every last one of them. He gets bored of the ones who talk too much and don’t immediately start sucking his face, so he sends them home and claims that “they just weren’t connecting.” I mean, the dude isn’t lying, he’s just being extremely literal. The most dedicated women will interrupt the make out sessions of the other girls and ask for a make out session of their own, to prove that they’re… who am I kidding I have no clue why they do it.
He then holds a cute little “rose ceremony” where he gives a rose to the girl who made out with him the most. Oh, it’s as corny as it sounds. Even the awkward host guy who has to conduct the ceremony looks like he wants to eat a bullet if it means getting out of there.
So, the girl that gets sent home, sobs and cries and claims her heart has been broken. (Yeah, she’s known the guy for like seven hours.) And then, my favorite part of the whole show: She questions why she can’t seem to find anybody.
Lady, you thought it was a good idea to go on a TV show to find love. You thought it was a good idea to go after a guy who wants to make out with 25 different girls for a couple months to decide which one he likes the best. You also fell in love with this guy the second you met him. You were a jealous mess when he interacted with the 25 other girls you agreed to share him with. Let’s also just mention that the odds were not in your favor. It was an awful ratio. One guy and 25 plus girls? You’d have better luck finding a boyfriend in a nail salon. I mean seriously, Godspeed, woman.
Final Consensus: As a reality show, I give it a solid 0.6/10 and that 0.6 is solely for the Bachelor guy’s hair.
As a Netflix observational documentary on the behavior and tendencies of psychopaths, I give it a 10/10.
Hahaha, excellent review! Someone need a happy pill?
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I need a sane pill after watching it! 😂 thanks for reading!!
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You nailed the show perfectly! Hahaha!
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Thank ya, thank ya 🤷♂️
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Thanks for the review and now that I know what I missed, I am glad that I never watched this show.
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Of course! Glad I could cause this show to lose potential viewers! 😂
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I don’t have tv so I’ve never heard of this show but good god THIS is a main reason why I don’t have a tv! People actually do this? They actually watch it? Thank you for torturing yourself for whatever amount of time it was on to spare the rest of us! You deserve a rose ceremony yourself! 🌹
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If you watch it MST3K-style (i.e., mock and laugh at the ridiculous contestants and situations), it can actually be quite entertaining, haha.
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I’ve seen way too many MST3K so yeah, I can picture that would make it worth it. Hahaha!
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I agree!! It definitely was not a boring show!!
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That’s awesome that you don’t even have TV! I wish I could live without it lol… and yes people watch it but I think (or hope) that most people watch it to laugh at it. Thanks so much for reading and the giving me rose ceremony blessings!! 😂👍🏼
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Yeah, I haven’t had TV since 1999. I have not missed it once. Every once in a while I see it like at a restaurant or something and I’m always appalled by what’s on there!
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That’s really cool and interesting to hear…. You really aren’t missing out on much, us people who are entranced by TV and social media are the ones missing out… on the real world around us! 🤔
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Hahaha! ….maybe so.
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You’re 100% correct about those women. It doesn’t take long to see why they’re single. The guy…well he seems so boring and dry, as in he is dry like powdered water dry. Gotta love “reality ” t.v.
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Yeah like take a look in the mirror! Your probably single for a reason ya crazies! Haha I totally agree with you and appreciate you reading!!
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Spot on! Not a sane one in the bunch!
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Nope, all insane!! Haha thanks for reading!!
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This was hilarious to read 😂
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That’s what I was aiming for so that’s awesome to hear! Thanks for reading!!!
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We watch it, certainly for the second reason you give in your Final Consensus. Like all reality shows to be sure, it’s an interesting petri dish, an examination into the psyche of these “contestants” who, for the most part, just want to advance their careers and parlay the show into something more substantial afterwards.
As an aside, the current bachelor is 36. No question in my mind he was going to give the rose to the 22-year-old. For many of the reasons you mention, i.e. make out with a cute college-aged girl for several more weeks.
The last rose is *always* given to the most controversial contestant there for dramatic effect (and the rose order is obviously determined by the producers). So that should raise a flag to any bachelor(ette) handing out roses. The last one is likely the headcase.
> “Even the awkward host guy who has to conduct the ceremony looks like he wants to eat a bullet if it means getting out of there.”
On the contrary, Chris Harrison has the dream job. You get all-expense paid travel to various places around the world (and they do go to some great places), presumably with a fine salary, and the only “work” you have to do is show up for ~5 minutes per episode to hand out a date card or inform the bachelor(ette) that “it’s the last rose of the evening, whenever you’re ready.” 🙂
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Interesting take! I think the host guy definitely has an awesome set up… but I think he for sure knows the show is cheesy as balls 😂 oh well it’s only a small price to pay for him haha! Thanks for reading!!
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Bang on! These “reality” shows are all pathetic…I can’t believe people waste their time watching them. The word “reality” is a curious thing…the only time I can think that one man living with (and banging) 25 women at once would be in an old polygamist Mormon family environment, but without the hundreds of kids…
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They are total trash! The opposite of what they claim to be… and most of the people on them are just looking for fame. Lol at the Mormon scenario 😂😂
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So true. It is kind of hard to see how we arrived at such a shallow culture where fame (and by association money) are seen as the answer to all of life’s ills…but we are where we are. I slightly pity the fools (to quote Mr T) who choose to go on these things.
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I think I pity them as well, but, on the flip side they actually do me a humongous favor by causing me to laugh! So cudos to them I guess 😂😂
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plot twist: what if all the girls ditched the guy and started dating eachother?
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I think that exists already, but it’s probably only available via Pornhub.
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😂😂😂 sounds about right!!
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I’d be probably be more interested in watching that!
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I’ve watched a lot of crappy reality TV, but I’ve never been able to bring myself to watch The Bachelor. It just seems like one big grossfest. I feel like it should be sponsored by some kind of antibacterial gel, or maybe a Hazmat suit making company. Ick.
Love the review 😉
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Gross is the perfect word!! It a germ swapping mono fest! Lol! Thanks so much for reading!!
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😍 Marry me! Also I know you lie. I’ve been secretly watching you watch that show since its inception
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😂😂 creepy…
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So no denial 😜
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I’ll let you imagine what you want to 😂🤷♂️
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I think this correlates with how I felt when I watched my first (and only) episode. What’s the big idea?? Great review on such an Emmy-worthy production
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Thanks so much! I’m glad you could relate when you read! 👍🏼
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This is hilarious XD You hit the nail on the head! The germs! lol. Keep writing, I’ve followed for more!
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Haha thanks man! More coming soon! Really appreciate the support and you taking the time to read my stuff 👍🏼
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The Bachelor is definitely one of those shows that I secretly watch LOL, most people think it’s shit and it sometimes is, but for what it’s worth EVERYONE hated Arie’s season. He’s a feminine girly guy with the personality of a stale piece of bread. Literally no one liked this season, and the ending was even worse (he got engaged to a girl for a couple days then literally broke it off to run back to the other girl). Now if you saw some of Nick’s season (the last one) maybe you’d have a better impression, but in the end it’s just trashy reality TV with a bunch of “aspiring actresses” from LA
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That’s what my mom said that he is a total goober lol! I definitely got the “aspiring actress” vibe from the show too haha. Thanks for reading!!
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Ha ha….great review. ..hate that show
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Thank you! Glad you share my opinion of it 😂
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😀😀
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