You’ve just slaved away cooking up a delicious meal. Or maybe you went out and bought it with your hard earned money. You sit down with said glorious meal in front of you and prepare to dig in. You’re admiring the beauty of the object of food that is about to enter your mouth and take a ride on your taste buds. Right as the consumption party is about to commence, your idiot friend or family member says,

“That looks good, let me get a bite.”

This is bullshit. What goes through people’s selfish minds to where they come to the conclusion that that statement is acceptable, and won’t cause the person they are saying it to to have an imaginary murder session in their head?

In the grand scheme of things, what is one bite of my meal going to do for you? Is it going to nourish you? No. Is one measly bite going to satisfy your craving for whatever it is that I’m eating? No, you’ll just want more, which is happening over my dead body.

So, you must be asking because you just want to taste what I have, right? Well, I was the one who made or bought it, and seeing as I didn’t make or buy it for you, or ask you to taste it, maybe you should go make or buy your own. I’m not Bobby Flay and this isn’t a charity. I don’t care about your taste buds and their well-being. If you really want to taste something of mine I can arrange that, you’ll just have to let me finish what I’m eating.

That was shitty, I know. Pun intended.

If I’m eating a burger or a burrito or a sandwich, I’ll bet money I didn’t order it with saliva that isn’t my own. (Shout out to Taco Bell, it’s complimentary there.) That’s disgusting, and since that’s the scenario your proposing, you are also disgusting.

I mean dude, why are you asking me for a bite of my food? Are you homeless? Do you need a job? I can try to talk to some friends and maybe get you an interview or something, but in the meantime I’ll give you a few bucks and you can run down to Mickey D’s and get a Happy Meal, Jesus. You can even keep the toy.

I just can’t really grasp the logic on this one. Sure, sometimes when I see someone eating something that looks good, I want to eat it too. But, I don’t ask them if I can, I think that classifies you as a bum. Like, if your friend walked into your house with an attractive girl, would you say, “hey, she looks nice, let me get a turn”? Now that I think about it, some of you probably would. (If you have, I wanna hear the story.)

Anyway, the moral of this post: If you see me eatin’ a burrito and it looks good, keep walkin’.

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41 thoughts on “Let Me Get a Bite

  1. Despicable moochers usually discover that other people like to help them, if they don’t ask for a great deal or if they conceal their request in flattery, that most people will be willing to assist them and they become skilled at their craft, so most people don’t even realize that they are being used.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m from a big family, and you watched your back at the dinner table, and my partner is an only child, so they are big on “do you want some?”or “try this” I still can’t get used to it, and I never offer.

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  3. I’m from a large Irish family. We used to pray (when the grownups couldn’t hear us) “Father, Son, Holy Ghost, the one who eats the fastest gets the most!” This was a cutthroat bunch. Asking for a bite of someone’s food was like throwing down the gauntlet. And my youngest son eats like he just got released from prison!

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  4. ~♪”Every snack you make, every bite you take, I’ll be watching you!”♪~ ( ๑ ❛ ڡ ❛ ๑ )
    Haha…this post made me laugh. My 6-year old daughter often does this to her big sister and she’ll say, “Sharing is caring.”. But it annoys my 11-year old no end.

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  5. hahahahaha!!! So true. I feel this way the same.

    When I buy something good and tasty, shit! My own family wants to get in the on tasty action. I say to them, no! and go buy your own. You should have bought what I bought and then we wouldn’t be in this situation. Selfish? No! It’s just the truth and fairness of it all. hahahahaha!!!

    I love this blog post my friend. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I especially hate when I’m eating something ordinary, like a grilled cheese sandwich, and someone asks to “try it”. You’ve never eaten a damn grilled cheese before?! It’s not trying anymore. It’s just stealing.

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    1. Hahahah I almost wrote out a whole part about this but I forgot to! You’re so on point like damn dude I know you’ve tried a hamburger before! Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  7. OH knows better than to touch my snappin (that’s Potteries speak for food)
    If he was ever to try it, I would ‘accidentally’ drop his burger on the floor by the dog. I’d let her get a few licks in before putting it on his plate. ‘What’s mine is yours’ does not apply to my food.
    Great post! You made me laugh during ‘pre-brain engage time’ – again! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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