Whoopty Doo

I never really know how to start these posts off, so, I’m just gonna say that this one is about the recent solar eclipse. This thing was a pretty big freakin’ deal apparently, and when I woke up and saw on the news that people traveled from all over the world just to be in the locations where the eclipse would fully block out the sun, I really couldn’t believe it. Now, I know it’s a once in a lifetime thing for this to occur in the U.S. and blah blah blah blah. If you believe that the solar eclipse is a truly amazing event, and in a way it for sure is, I have no problem with that. You like what you like. But, in my opinion, all this fuss over the thing is stupid as shit.

 

Alright, you mean to tell me that the moon (which we see almost every night of our lives) is going to block the sun? So, kind of like when you hold your hand up in the sky, or wear a hat? Or use an umbrella? Or just close the blinds on your windows? Also, clouds.

 

What’s that you say? The moon is really big so it’s going to make parts of the world dark? So, kind of like what we call night time? Or, when it’s super early in the morning and the sun hasn’t fully risen? And this event only happens for two minutes? Hmm, yeah, I think I’ll pass. I got better things to do, like eat a grilled cheese, or pick my nose.

 

I guess the logic I’m trying to push is that if you’re going to act like this eclipse is so god damn amazing, then I wanna see you wearing your tin-foil-dildo-hats and using your cereal box telescopes to watch every sunrise, sunset, half-moon, full-moon and everything in between. Because when you really think about it, all those things are amazing. The fact that were are living on a giant rock that’s floating in space and orbiting a massive fireball is amazing.

 

One last thing, and I don’t even need to try to make this sound funny. There are people who have been partially blinded from staring at previous eclipses with their bare eyes. Yes, staring at the eclipse. A.k.a the sun’s rays. With their bare eyes. And these geniuses are now issuing a warning to the masses that you should not stare at eclipses. Well ah shit, Sherlock! Thanks for the heads up! I was planning on staring at the sun right after I was done sticking my penis in an electric outlet and bungee jumping without a rope!

 

Gotta love people, man.