I never really know how to start these posts off, so, I’m just gonna say that this one is about the recent solar eclipse. This thing was a pretty big freakin’ deal apparently, and when I woke up and saw on the news that people traveled from all over the world just to be in the locations where the eclipse would fully block out the sun, I really couldn’t believe it. Now, I know it’s a once in a lifetime thing for this to occur in the U.S. and blah blah blah blah. If you believe that the solar eclipse is a truly amazing event, and in a way it for sure is, I have no problem with that. You like what you like. But, in my opinion, all this fuss over the thing is stupid as shit.

 

Alright, you mean to tell me that the moon (which we see almost every night of our lives) is going to block the sun? So, kind of like when you hold your hand up in the sky, or wear a hat? Or use an umbrella? Or just close the blinds on your windows? Also, clouds.

 

What’s that you say? The moon is really big so it’s going to make parts of the world dark? So, kind of like what we call night time? Or, when it’s super early in the morning and the sun hasn’t fully risen? And this event only happens for two minutes? Hmm, yeah, I think I’ll pass. I got better things to do, like eat a grilled cheese, or pick my nose.

 

I guess the logic I’m trying to push is that if you’re going to act like this eclipse is so god damn amazing, then I wanna see you wearing your tin-foil-dildo-hats and using your cereal box telescopes to watch every sunrise, sunset, half-moon, full-moon and everything in between. Because when you really think about it, all those things are amazing. The fact that were are living on a giant rock that’s floating in space and orbiting a massive fireball is amazing.

 

One last thing, and I don’t even need to try to make this sound funny. There are people who have been partially blinded from staring at previous eclipses with their bare eyes. Yes, staring at the eclipse. A.k.a the sun’s rays. With their bare eyes. And these geniuses are now issuing a warning to the masses that you should not stare at eclipses. Well ah shit, Sherlock! Thanks for the heads up! I was planning on staring at the sun right after I was done sticking my penis in an electric outlet and bungee jumping without a rope!

 

Gotta love people, man.

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21 thoughts on “Whoopty Doo

  1. Your writing is packed with humour. You have a way with highlighting beauty, as much as you do underlining absurdity. You surprised me at the turn of many lines. Also I really liked that part “The fact that were are living on a giant rock that’s floating in space and orbiting a massive fireball is amazing.” You bring about evidence staring us in the face, that we just tend to forget.
    Loved it, keep entertaining us 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for the kind words I’m really glad you enjoyed it! This was some of the best feedback I’ve gotten and I really appreciate you taking the time to read my stuff! I will try to keep on entertaining! 👍🏼

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I for sure thought it was neat, but I didn’t go anywhere other than my college campus to check it out. Looked up at it for about 10 minutes (with glasses of course), and then I was good. Really enjoyed your humorous take on it! Following back!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It was kind of neat seeing it get kind of dark all of a sudden on a clear day. That’s really all I got to experience out of it because where I’m at they ran out of glasses for it and half of them apparently didn’t work anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well sure, but. . . . I’m in Indiana and for about $60 I took a charter bus trip to Kentucky where the eclipse would be total. So it was like going to a giant picnic (snacks on the bus, then reasonably priced food trucks on site — had some really barbecue for lunch) with entertainment and lots of comraderie. After all, we all shared an interest. Think of a rock concert, you can always get the band on a CD but this is your one chance to see them live, and of course there are other rock bands around who give concerts too, but, hey, why not spend a couple of bucks and make this a special day? Rational? Maybe not, but who says fun has to be? (So for my take, and how my special “mission” was to get a souvenir picture with a $4.95 camera . . . https://jamesdorrwriter.wordpress.com/2017/08/22/the-crummiest-solar-eclipse-picture-this-year/ ) But what the heck, you’re right too!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. For those who stare directly at the sun, they deserve their Darwin awards. 😄 I’m with you though…a lot of fuss really. I think perhaps the nicest aspect is the link back to pagan beliefs regarding the sun…back to a time when man was more in awe of nature instead of trampling on it.

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  6. I love this. I live in Oregon where FLOCKS of people came and clogged up the roads so bad that some cities couldn’t get gas and groceries shipped to them and everyone on FB and Snapchat orgasming and crying over pictures of the moon. I never vented about how incredibly stupid it all seemed out loud, but I am happy to do that here, as it feels like a safe place.

    Like, its neat and all, but still mostly like “eh.” I loved that it made animals freak out, and the Craigslist posts about “Male Wanting Woman to Conceive Child Under Eclipse” were hilarious, but those are honestly the best things I got out the whole experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. its funny how people forget to appreciate beautiful things they see everyday. And then they make a big deal out of it when something like this happen. i didn’t see the solar eclipse for sure as I’m in the philippines and I was inside the house, (probably picking my nose too, idk)

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Lol Entertaining indeed. I saw an eclipse as a little girl in the 70s. (New Zealand) We all got to stand in the playground (time out from schoolwork, who complains at that?!) to experience it. It was cool, and something I’ll always remember. Thanks for amusing me on a lovely spring morning.

    Liked by 1 person

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