Dry Water

If you want peace and quiet, do you start lighting off fireworks? If you want to stay awake, do you take sleeping pills? What if you’re a vegetarian, then would you make a steak for dinner? If you aren’t clinically insane, you probably answered “no” to all those questions. Well, here’s another question, why do people get into a swimming pool if they don’t want to get wet?

 

I can’t count the number of times I’ve actually annoyed someone in a pool by accidentally getting a minuscule amount of water on their upper body, or God forbid splashing them and getting the dreaded water on their face. Yeah, the water. You know, the stuff they’re sitting in.

 

“Oh, but I don’t want to get my hair wet.”

 

Well if you don’t want to get your hair wet then a pool probably isn’t the best place to be, is it, bud? Last time I checked, a pool is a pretty wet place. Also, hair dryers, towels, air, etc. All very effective for removing water from hair.

 

People who think like this are the same people that throw away the crust on their pizza or only eat the inside of their bread. The very same unstable individuals that order a quesadilla with “light cheese”. I mean seriously, just get freakin’ burrito.

 

If you don’t want to get wet in a pool, then why don’t you just go sit in a bathtub? Oh, the waters too hot in a bathtub? (Yeah, I’ve actually heard this excuse before.) Well, there’s this really cool thing called using the cold water valve! You can even use the cold water and hot water valves at the same time to ensure the temperature is to your liking! Oh, but you want to be able to sit in the sun? Well, now you’re just suffering from a bad case of first world problems. There are people starving in the world, not knowing when their next meal might be, and you’re mad because you can’t be in the sun with half your body in water and the other half completely void of all liquid or precipitation. You’re what I would call a human dingleberry.

Anyways, I don’t want to rant for too long. I’m also hungry, and I think I’m going to make a quesadilla. With plenty of cheese.