Sometimes, I forget that the house pets we have casually strolling around our houses, are still primal creatures at heart. No matter how much we want to spoil them and dress them up in goofy clothes and feed them delicious treats, they will always have those primal instincts. And those primal instincts can make for some hilarious encounters.
In my household, I like to compare my two cats to two prison inmates. My older cat, let’s call her the Black Panther, is the old, wise, hardened inmate who is serving life without parole. My other cat, let’s call her Fat Cat, is akin to the chubby twenty-five year old who still lives in his mom’s basement, got busted for distributing porn, and is now serving time in federal prison.
Black Panther is your typical badass hunter cat. She spends most of her time outside killing rodents, snakes, and lizards. She was ambushed by two dogs once, and let’s just say it ended with both dogs whimpering off and bleeding from their noses.
Fat Cat spends most of her time begging for food. The time that she isn’t begging for food, she is sprawled out on the couch like a blob, or hiding under a bed because she heard the wind blowing too hard outside. I’m sure if she ever came into contact with a rat, she would get theย butt mudย brutally beaten out of her.
Black Panther is the alpha and Fat Cat is the beta. It’s been this way since day one. When Fat Cat first trembled her way into our house from PetsMart, she was swiftly smacked into a wall by Black Panther. (If you’re thinking ohhhh, poor Fat Cat, don’t. Because this cat is a spoiled dingleberry.)
Black Panther is a very honorable animal and if you show her respect, she shows you respect. I’m sure all she wants is for Fat Cat to stand up for herself, and she would accept her. But over the years, Fat Cat has just taken the beatings, silently plotting behind the scenes. She knows she can’t stand toe to toe with Black Panther, so she has begun to resort to other means.
The change in behavior started a year or so ago. Black Panther was sleeping gracefully on the couch while my family and I were watching TV. Fat Cat had just finished her fourth or fifth meal and was meandering (or waddling) over to us. Although, she stops in her tracks once she sees Black Panther. Figuring she would just slink off to beg for more food or hide under a bed, we thought nothing of it. But suddenly, she jumps up, right next to Black Panther, and stares at her intently. Black Panther senses the movement, opens her eyes, and sees Fat Cat. She hisses, and like always, Fat Cat moves away to the other side of the couch. But Fat Cat keeps her eyes on Black Panther. She waits until Black Panther is asleep again, and creeps expertly over to her. We have the TV paused now and are watching to see where this goes.
Fat Cat walks right up to Black Panther until she is standing directly over her. Then, extending her fat little paw over Black Panther’s head, she swipes down and smacks Black Panther as hard as her grotesquely overweight body can manage. It was a textbook prison attack, with Fat Cat’s claws serving as the makeshift shank. Black Panther screams in anger and jumps into attack position as fast as she can manage. Although, she is a step slow from being engaged in such a deep sleep just seconds earlier, and Fat Cat is nowhere to be seen.
That little bastard had darted out of the room faster than I had ever seen her move. I couldn’t believe what I had just watched. A premeditated cheap shot from a cat. This creature had the thought process to become angry from being beaten on by Black Panther, realize she can’t beat her in a fair fight, and decide to wait until she’s asleep to attack her. And then ran away to avoid the repercussions. Just that realization of how intricately planned the attack was, and by such a simple little overweight cat, is hilarious.
Now that I think about it, I should probably stop calling her Fat Cat. And I should probably sleep with my door closed…
A proper drive by thwack – ha!
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Lol totally!
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So amewsing! ๐๐ป
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lol thank you! ๐๐ผ
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Would have loved to have seen that, although with your description I can see it in my mind’s eye! Keep your door closed!!
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It was pretty hilarious ๐ thanks so much for the comment, I will make sure to keep it closed!
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Thoroughly enjoyable!
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Thanks so much!
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Funny as. We used to have a cat and because he was with us before the dogs he kind of bossed the dogs around.
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That’s hilarious! Glad you could relate!
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Fantastic!!
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Thank you!!
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Ha! Funny ๐๐
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Glad to liked it! ๐
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A very funny piece of writing. Enjoyed this all the way through. Thank you for sharing.
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That’s awesome to hear thanks so much for the comment!
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beautifully told ๐
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Wow thanks so much!!
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Oh myy! ๐
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๐๐
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So funny! I have two cats too. They’re both nearer the Fat Cat than the Black Panther. One is an absolute darling when humans are around but bosses the other one when we’re not. The other is grumpy when strangers are around but an absolute sweetheart with just family. They’re both the lives of my life.
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That’s hilarious ๐๐ I feel like most cats are closer to Fat Cat honestly haha. Glad you liked the story and thanks for the comment!
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Omg! The best cat story I have ever heard. So hilarious. Keep the door closed at all costs, mate!
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That’s great! ๐ thanks so much for the comment and I will make sure to keep it shut!
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No problem at all!
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Haha! Our two cats are so similar to your two prisoners, it’s amazing. One fat and very submissive and the other one- the boos and the hunter. I keep thinking that the fat one adores the boss and is seeking his attention and affection.
That was a very funny and nicely written story.
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That’s pretty funny ๐ I feel like everyone always has a “Fat Cat” lol. Glad you liked it and could relate!
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This is so strange, because that’s literally like my two cats!!
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That’s great ๐ I’m glad you related to it!
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Great stuff! And I do recommend you see with your door closed ๐
Thanks for the ‘Follow’!
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I definitely will! Thanks so much for the comment!
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Cats…lovely and mysterious creatures!!
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They totally are!
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For some reason “Black Panther is a very honorable animal” really got me!! ๐คฃ I love it.
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That’s awesome! Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the comment! ๐
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Hilarious! That’s why I love cats, very unpredictable lots
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Thanks! Yeah they always have interesting personalities lol!
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Great
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Thank you!
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haha Cats’ ability to plan something premeditatively is a little unsettling. Maybe I should think twice about my cats’ love of kneading my stomach. ๐ You’re a captivating storyteller!
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Right?!? Cats are interesting creatures. Thanks so much for the comment! ๐๐ผ
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I have a similar story playing out at my house, but with 2 dogs. Hilarious!
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That’s funny I’m glad you could relate to the story! Thanks for the comment!
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That’s true we can dress them up , train them , but when they use their Natural Instincts and do what they do , we punish them !!! And that’s wrong !!! Man wants to control everything !!! And really all he needs to do is control himself !!! I’m glad I read this and now have a different outlook on life … THANKS FOR SHARING ๐
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Very true! We do try to control everything! Thanks for the comment! ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ
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Great piece of writing. I really enjoyed reading about how cunning a cat can be!
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Thank you very much glad you enjoyed it!!
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You changed the names of your cats to protect their privacy. That’s quite considerate.
Pleased to make your acquaintance. I think I’m going to enjoy your blog.
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Lol that I did! I was wondering if anyone would realize it ๐ thanks for the comment and nice to make your acquaintance as well! I will try to provide some more laughs in the future!
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Had the same experience with two of my cats. ๐
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Glad you could relate!! ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ
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God, we have one cat at the moment but about to get another one. Maybe having second thoughts now! It’ll be okay if the new one brings cigarettes to bargain with I guess…
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lol that made me laugh ๐๐ you shouldn’t definitely get one and tell me how it acts lol!!
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Awesome! ๐๐ผ
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Awesome ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ
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Omg, this was hilarious! Cats are such weird creatures. I have always had kitties around the house and so have my friends and the odd things they get up to always make me laugh.
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Thanks so much! Glad to hear you liked it! And yes cats are like a constant supply of humor ๐
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Nice piece!
Can you also check out my latest story on my blog?๐:
https://simmoneswords.wordpress.com/2017/08/24/the-30th-floor/
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Thanks! And I’m trying to visit your blog but it keeps giving me an error!
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I’m sharing this all over the place. Cat lovers everywhere are hosing themselves
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lol great to hear you liked this one! You’re quite the loyal supporter I love it!! ๐
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