When I am driving along the road, minding my own business, and a car pulls out into traffic in front of me from a perpendicular street (or a parking lot, whatever the case may be) and proceeds to drive twenty miles an hour slower than every other car on the road, my faith in humanity gets just a little weaker than it already is.

 

What on earth can possibly be going through someone’s mind to pull into moving traffic, and go half as slow as the traffic? What kind of logic told you this was the move to make? I’m going to assume that if you’re driving, you have eyes, so not seeing the fast approaching cars is not an excuse. What is the malfunction?

 

A car is quickly nearing your position at 40 plus mph, and your decision is to pull out in front of that car and mosey along at your own snail-like pace. Never mind the fact that this car now has to either slam on their brakes if they have time to do so, or make the quick decision to swerve around you, possibly colliding with other cars and creating a large traffic accident. None of that matters, as long as you didn’t have to wait an extra few seconds for traffic to clear up, right? Or you didn’t have to be bothered to press down another few inches with your foot to accelerate to the speed of traffic. As long as you aren’t inconvenienced, it’s all good, right?

 

Fair enough, but I have a few questions for people who do this.

 

Can you go to the bathroom by yourself? Do you stick your head in the microwave in your free time? When something gets caught in the disposal, do you turn it off before you stick your hand into it? You probably think you can serve chicken medium rare, don’t you?

 

If you pull out in front of swiftly moving traffic and drive along at 15 mph, I hope a burning pile of dog crap is waiting for you on your doorstep every night when you get home. I hope you stub your toe on the corner of your bed every day when you wake up. I hope when you make toast, it burns. When birds fly over you, I want them to sense your ineptitude and dump right on your head. I hope the next time you’re at the movies, someone kicks the back of your seat the entire duration of the film.

 

People who commit this act just flat out suck, and I’m fully convinced there is a VIP suite in Hell reserved just for them. God have mercy on their souls.

 

That is all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

57 thoughts on “See You in Hell”

  4. This was very well written. And, the site is impressive. In short, keep it up. As for the situation, if you don’t have a dash camera, get one and report people who shouldn’t be on the road — at least to they themselves if not a higher authority. What they’re thinking is (if they see the traffic) they’re gonna take a chance on the other drivers. 🙂

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  5. You write exactly what i’m thinking at the time the a$$hole pulls out in front of me, but which by the time i get home to my computer ( i’m not a smartphonophile) i have thought better of than putting finger to keyboard! 🙂

    In some such driver’s defence: their world is one where the best way to drive is at 20 mph because if they go any faster they might (probably would) lose control and crash. Because that is how they live they falsely assume that all other road drivers might or should do the same and never see that frustration their ‘normal’ behaviour causes those of us who can drive at light speed. 😉

    love.

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  7. This is why I don’t like driving. That and pedestrians who seem to think the road is their catwalk.

    “When birds fly over you, I want them to sense your ineptitude and dump right on your head.”

    I’m a fan of slang, cuss words and swearing, and that one takes the cake! You got my follow 😉

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  11. A-FREAKING-MEN. All of this. All of it. I can’t stand that! And I notice that when they do that to me, there’s absolutely nobody behind me. If they waited for me to pass, they would’ve had all the time in the world to do what they had to do. But no. Pull out in front of me and then die behind the wheel. I used to know a guy who drove around looking for people like that and he would hit them just to collect. He didn’t have a job, but he lived well doing that.

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  12. This made laugh out loud! I drive 40 minutes to and from work and this happens at least five times a week. So annoying!

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      1. Makes me want to buy an old beater car…and not stop. But that would not be very nice either.

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      3. Also, my other favorite, is when people pull out in front of you, just to turn down the next road and no one is behind you… like they couldn’t wait for you to pass.

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  15. I feel this way about slow walkers. Or groups of people who take up the entire width of the sidewalk when passing you, so you end up risking your life by walking into oncoming traffic. Throat punches all around!

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  19. Oh ye of little faith in your fellow man. Hast thou never heard of an “over-cautious” driver? I have a friend with the decidedly different name of Channing. Its a very Southern name to give a boy or man. Chan does what you talk of quite often. Its a safety quirk and rules oriented with fear thrown in. It starts when you learn to drive and develops if you tend to be on the receiving end of accidents. Some people never get over it. In fact, Chan would love it if you rear-ended him. In most states, you would be held responsible for rear-ending him as “you are not in control of your car.” Diabolical, isn’t it?

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  24. I really enjoyed reading this and I love your sarcastic sense of humor. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, I hate when idiots act so insensitive and oblivious to things going on around them. I try not to get angry when I am driving as it is just not worth it to increase my blood pressure over someone else’s stupidity. I live in an adult community where there are many residents of advanced age and I often want to honk at them or flip them the bird, but even though this annoys me I realize that they just can’t help doing things their way and then I think that they will most likely die real soon anyway.

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