Quick piece here on another one of the unsolved mysteries of life: Missing socks.

 

Socks are something that I personally am very horrible at. My socks are either dirty, have holes in them, or have twirled off to the alternate dimension where all my socks eventually end up.

 

I will buy a brand new pack of socks and place them into my drawer, where they usually stay put for a day or two, three if I’m lucky. I get to enjoy the wonderful feeling of fresh cloth under my feet for just that short period of time. Then, when I go to grab my third or fourth pair, I realize there are only a few socks in my drawer.

 

Didn’t I buy the twenty pack?

 

I sift around and realize the socks I’m grabbing are old.

 

It cant be?

 

I find a pair that look new. Breathing a sigh of relief, I sit down and start putting them on. My foot slides in, but what stares up at me? One of my toes poking through a gaping hole in the sock. I just stare back, and if my toe could speak in that moment, it would say: Nice try, pal.

 

I tear the sock off in anger and check the other one. No hole, but I realize it’s a dress sock.

 

Okay, I guess this can be a fallback.

 

I go back to my drawer and frantically search for the new socks that I just bought a few days ago. The only socks I can find are the old ones, or ones with holes. The other dress sock isn’t even in there! It’s an ego thing now, I’m not going to put on the old ones when I just bought new ones, and I’m not going to church, so I’m not wearing the holy ones.

 

The undesirable socks left in my drawer just stare back at me, a painful symbol of my incompetence. They are the socks too old or too sick to travel off to the prestigious alternate sock dimension. (This dimension apparently accepts wallets as well, you can guess how I found that out.) My search is in vain, and I end up settling for an old sock, and one of the new socks I wore the day before that I find behind the toilet. And yes, I only find one. The other one has apparently stumbled upon the portal that provides direct flights to the sock purgatory, along with all the others.

 

No matter how many pairs of socks I buy, I always end up with the same depleted supply. Over the years, I have developed many theories on where these socks go. Is it a sock nirvana that only accepts the strongest and freshest of socks? Is there a sock demon that gets off on only allowing me to have the bare minimum amount of foot clothing? Is there a sock creature that lives in my house that must feed on healthy socks to sustain its existence? Where do the socks go? Have I stumbled upon a conspiracy that is far beyond my understanding? If you guys don’t hear from me again, you know why.

 

 

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91 thoughts on “Sockatory

  1. Nice word play on the title 😏 Also the line “painful symbol of my incompetence” had me chuckling, definitely felt that feeling. Careful with conspiracy theories…they can override any sense of of sort of normal life you once had haha. Nice work!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I have half a drawer full of socks that have mysteriously lost their mates. Perhaps their other halves have fallen for more exciting sock– I do have quite a whimsical sock collection– and run away together. Or perhaps they were just too much alike and needed some space. Really enjoyed this!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Love it. I wrote a piece once that if I ruled the world I’d make a home for all the missing socks to go to. Lucky ones would end up as hand puppets. The unlucky ones in Tom Jones’ underpants.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. HA! πŸ˜€ “holy socks” for church! *snort* πŸ˜› Funny stuff, SB! πŸ˜€

    I love socks! I love to buy socks! One time I found a pack of 20+ socks for sale and NONE of them matched! They were all wild and crazy colors and patterns! I loved that and felt like they were meant for me to take home, so I bought them. None of them have ever run of to SockLand, none of them are hiding behind the dryer, none of them went to SockHeaven…for some reason all of them hung around and I still the attention I get when I wear them! πŸ˜€

    Knee-High HUGS!!! πŸ˜›

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Socks are always as mysterious people…. Though they look innocent I think they have a very complex communication network! My case always the partner sock is missing! If any one finds him… there is a award declared! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Don’t you know that whenever new pairs of socks are bought and placed out of sight, at least one pair, or one single sock, is offered up in sacrifice to the deity of socks,it is named… Sockubus!!
    lol, great article. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ve heard from an undisclosed source that the mythical Lord of the Socks comes for sacrifices every now and then. He deliberately leaves the partner sock so that we know the sacrifice has been fulfilled. I’m considering booby trapping my sock drawer.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Damn, you think you have sock problems…

    Try living on the street, where most get street-feet…

    No just kidding, iΒ΄m on the street an have the same problem…

    ItΒ΄s just a guyΒ΄s lifeΒ΄s normal problem, weΒ΄re guys an donΒ΄t do well with socks…

    cheers chris

    Liked by 1 person

  9. When you find the socks, you also find the pairs of children’s scissors, rolls of tape, the thingy that you use for eye-glasses repair, the other earring, and various other vagabond objects. Of course, you have no use for them at all when you actually find them.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ah! The sock problem is one well known to me. Ever since I started living without my parents it has become simply impossible to wear good matching socks for more than 1 day in a week.

    Like yourself, I fought and fought to control the mayhem of the drawer. Unforuntately eventually you just have to give in…

    I’ve not worn a matching pair of socks for over a year.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I think the socks go out for a walk at midnight and only one returns home. I often see one sock in the road (not mine) so I’m thinking it’s a world-wide conspiracy. To try to get a leg up (pun intended) I started buying only black or white socks so at least I’d having a matching pair when leaving the house. Yet there’s always one missing! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  12. socks. I think my wife is the one compelled to match my socks after we do the wash, After the military – when even socks had to be -military-approved, etc, I became a civilian and ambivalent about footwear. So if I wear a white sock with red stripe and one with a blue stripe, or a gray sole and one without – I don’t care- but I have someone looking out for me. . I guess however, when wearing dress socks , one is supposed to wear matching hosiery.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I kept asking myself the same thing, and I may just have solved the mystery. I always keep forgetting to check the crevice in between the washing machine door, so when I did, voila! There they were! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Brilliant how you take such small everyday things and make them a humongous deal! I have 4 kids and a large bag of odd socks that I am constantly hoping that the match will appear in the wash but almost never does. My fear is the moment I throw the bag away, all of the lost socks will come out of hiding….lol! Loved it!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. This is completely relatable. I think my washing machine eats my socks. I wash them, dry them, and when I take them out of the dryer, why look some of my socks are missing. I look over at the washer looking all shiny as if it’s mocking me and all I want to do is throw it away. No matter how many times I check, none of my socks are under the washer. No amount of glaring at my washer will make it spit them back out.

    By the way, thank you for following my blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you found it relatable, it sounds like you have pretty much the same problem! Those damn socks! Hope you enjoy my posts and I’ll be lookin out for yours! πŸ˜„

      Like

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